WANT TO RAISE WELL ADJUSTED CHILDREN?

By Scott MautzKeynote speaker and author, ‘Find the Fire’ and ‘Make It Matter’@scott_mautz

Want to Raise Well-Adjusted Children? Psychology Says Let Them See You Doing These 10 Things

This powerful parenting advice puts the ‘show’ in show and tell.


“We aren’t raising children, we’re raising adults,” says family therapist, psychotherapist, and author Susan Stiffelman. What we do as parents creates our kids’ sense of normal, which ingrains habits and behaviors that carry into adulthood.

Of course, we want the best for our children–for them to have a lifetime of happiness, to be prepared for the real world, or to simply do better in school. Most often we want them to succeed, and so we search for advice to pass on.

But the best help here comes from what you show, not tell.

Stiffelman told Parenting there are specific things parents can role-model to most effectively foster well-adjusted, successful young adults, which I’ve blended here with personal experiences. Let your kids see you:

1.Struggle.
As a younger parent, I hid my struggles, so I wouldn’t shatter my daughter’s illusion of dad’s heroic-ness. I soon learned the importance of letting her see the full cycle of handling adversity. As Stiffelman puts it, “Let your kids see you struggle, how you handle it, how you get through it, how you rest, or how you ask for help.”

2. Cry.
I’m still admittedly a bit embarrassed to do this in front of my daughter, but I know it helps her “become at ease with sadness,” as Stiffelman says. It demonstrates that she shouldn’t feel burdened with the need to override sad feelings.

3.Smooch your partner.
My wife and I do this just to embarrass our daughter, but it’s nice to know it has therapeutic benefit, too. It’s especially important to show affection amid super-busy schedules. Even a little peck on the cheek in between pickups/drop-offs helps show that “coupling” is more than just convenient co-living/partnering arrangements.

4. Exercise.
My wife and I feel strongly about showing it’s not normal to not keep moving. Sometimes I’ll even adjust the time I work out so my daughter witnesses me heading off to exercise. As my wife says, it’s not about telling her she needs to workout because of __ (insert body-judging/shaming statement here); it’s about healthy living and the need to just… keep… moving. Admittedly, digital distractions are our biggest foe here.

5.Attend to the universe, not just the “you-niverse.”
This is about volunteering to uplift another–literally volunteering, but also voluntarily shifting focus outside yourself to engage in kind acts.

Stiffelman says, “One of the most effective ways for children to feel that they’re meaningful and that they matter is when they can improve or uplift someone else–not just mommy or daddy.” And that’s the essence of it–role-modeling the importance of the world beyond self.

6. Making choices to spend to your means.
My wife and I are blessed to have earned enough income to avoid frequent brutal spending decisions. But we still try to involve our daughter in discussions on financial choices we have to make, beyond “No, because it’s too expensive”.

Stiffelman recommends talking sooner than later about how much things cost.

7. Learn.
Some of the most important behaviors to role-model are a bit counterintuitive (like showing struggle or crying), and can create tension. Showing you’re a lifelong learner is one of these, because you have to invest time to do it.

But as Stiffelman points out, “Our kids are probably going to change careers many times, so they need to have the comfort/agility to learn new things”. It can be as simple reading more. “Kids who see parents read tend to read more,” adds the therapist.

8. Be kind to yourself.
Research shows students who base their self-esteem on external sources (approval from others, etc.) often develop more mental health issues, while those basing self-esteem on internal sources (self-talk, adherence to their values) have better grades and lower incidence of drug, alcohol, or eating disorders.

In other words, the external world poses enough challenges for your child’s self-esteem, so why role-model anything other than kindness/forgiveness for yourself?

Easier said than done, I know, especially if you tend to compare yourself to unreachable standards, as I do.

9. Be inwardly reflective.
This can be evidenced through spirituality or by simply taking time for reflection and introspection. The point is to counter the focus on achievement and acquisition. That may seem to fight with the desire to help them succeed, but it helps children experience the deeper part of what it means to be human.

10. Be creative.
People become uninspired at work for many reasons, none more deeply-seated than when they’ve stopped creating and contributing their handiwork to the world. Help ingrain the habit early by showing how happy creating makes you. It’s about expressing, not accomplishing.

So put on a (authentic) show for your young audience. It’ll help raise the curtains to success.

Advertisements

Pictures that sum up getting older.

Getting older is so many different things to so many different people, but it’s mostly…

1. Not being easily angered by trivial things:

ADVERTISEMENT

2. Having an active and fulfilling social life:

3. Seizing the day:

4. Thinking back on your past mistakes:

5. Carefully planning your routine:

6. Coming up with new excuses:

ADVERTISEMENT

7. Realizing what makes YOU happy:

8. And what YOU love in life:

9. Being happy for those to you:

10. Discovering the things that bring you joy:

11. Finding time to enjoy some entertainment:

ADVERTISEMENT

12. Finally understanding the finer things in life:

13. And learning to appreciate fine art:

14. Staying awake for very good reasons:

15. Finding pleasure in the little things in life:

16. Reminscing on the good old days:

ADVERTISEMENT

17. Being prepared:

18. Having the hard conversations:

19. Listening to the wisdom of the youth:

20. Taking a little time for yourself:

21. Staying organized:

ADVERTISEMENT

22. Taking care of the youth of today:

23. Speaking eloquently whenever possible:

24. Treating yourself:

25. Having true freedom:

26. And gracefully aging:

aaaAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Check Out Our Parent and Tot Classes

Whether it is a BEARS class in Dover or our GUPPIES class is Portsmouth both classes are a great experience for parents and toddlers alike!

Physical activity is vital for a child’s development and lays the foundation for a healthy and active life. Our PARENT and TOT classes are ideally placed to foster the development of good physical activity habits early in life and to encourage families to engage in regular physical activity together.

Atlantic offers a wide variety of play-based activities using all of our equipment giving the children an active learning experience that is fun and engaging.

Physical activity for children is made up of both spontaneous and intentionally planned active play. Our teachers serve as active role models, educators can encourage children to participate in physical activity.

THERE ARE 4 STAGES YOU WILL EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR CHILD IN A PARENT AND TOT CLASS.

  1. They will not leave your side.
  2. They will begin to be more independent trying more things on their own
  3. They will run away! There are so many fun things they remember from last class and they do not want to wait. GOOD LUCK!
  4. They will begin to understand that there is time for everything.

The benefits of gymnastics for young children include:
– promoting healthy growth and development
– helping to achieve and maintain a healthy weight
– building strong bones and muscles
– improving cardiovascular fitness
– improving balance, coordination and strength
– maintaining and developing flexibility
– improving posture
– assisting with the development of gross motor and fine motor skills
– providing the opportunity to develop fundamental movement skills
– helping to establish connections between different parts of the brain
– improving concentration and thinking skills
– improving confidence and self-esteem
– relieving stress and promoting relaxation
– providing opportunities to develop social skills and make friends
– improving sleep.

FOR INFORMATION ON PORTSMOUTH PROGRAMS

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON DOVER PROGRAMS

UP COMING EVENTS

Gratuitous Plug for my Son’s Band- DAYLO. Tonight 1/31 at The Stone Church. EP Release Party and Show. 9:30PM

At the Music Hall in Portsmouth-

The Capitol Steps “Make America Grin Again”
Saturday, February 2 at 5:00 pm

Straight from D.C. the comic troupe of former congressional staffers-turned-comedians return to Portsmouth for a 21st annual concert supporting affordable housing development and homebuyer education. No matter whos in the headlines, The Capitol Steps are equal opportunity offenders, promising an evening full of bipartisan lampooning.

Love Art? Checkout Art ‘Round Town in Portsmouth. First Friday evening of every month!

Downtown Portsmouth celebrates its inspired, intimate urban community with big city style by presenting its Art ‘Round Town gallery walk.

As a thriving creative community rich in history, Portsmouth retains and honors its past while continuously cultivating an ebullient, exciting contemporary art scene. Within its early-nineteenth century brick facades, cobblestone sidewalks, and urban streetscapes, the collective Portsmouth art galleries represent the work of international and national artists from as distant as Europe, New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles and as near as regional New England. The broad scope of these gallery exhibitions offer you the representational and recognizable, as well as the abstract and avant-garde. Whether it’s your destination for dinner or a summer sojourn, this prestigious community built upon arts and culture will satiate your cravings for original art, food, music, and fashion.

Participating Galleries

CERES GALLERY, 23 Ceres Street, 603.294.0657 ceresgallery.net

DENNIS PERRIN FINE ART GALLERY, 123 Daniel Street, 603.205.0425 dennisperrinfineart.com

DIANE CRESPO FINE ART GALLERY, 40 Pleasant Street, Suite 202, 603.493.1677 dianecrespofineart.com

DISCOVER PORTSMOUTH, 10 Middle Street, 603.436.8433 portsmouthhistory.org

GALLERY AT 3S ARTSPACE, 319 Vaughan Street, 978.766.3330 3sarts.org

G WILLIKERS!, 13 Market Street, 603.436.7746, gwillikers.com

HISTORIC NEW ENGLAND/GOVERNOR JOHN LANGDON HOUSE, 143 Pleasant Street, 603.436.3205 historicnewengland.org

JAY SCHADLER STUDIO, 82 Fleet Street, 603.531.9998 jayschadler.com

KENNEDY GALLERY AND CUSTOM FRAMING, 41 Market Street, 603.436.7007 kennedygalleryandframing.com

THE ART GALLERY AT LABELLE WINERY, 104 Congress Street, 603.319.8035, labellewinerynh.com.

NAHCOTTA, 110 Congress Street, 603.433.1705 nahcotta.com

NANCY MORGAN ART, 238 State Street, 603.427.8611 nancymorganart.com

NEW HAMPSHIRE ART ASSOCIATION/ROBERT LINCOLN LEVY GALLERY, 136 State Street, 603.431.4230 nhartassociation.org

PISCATAQUA FINE ARTS STUDIO AND GALLERY, 123 Market Street, 603.436.7278 dongorvettgallery.com/

PORTSMOUTH ATHENÆUM/RANDALL GALLERY, 6-8 Market Square, 603.431.2538 portsmouthathenaeum.org

STUDIO 51 CERES, 51 Ceres Street, 917.822.3748 studio51ceres.com

TODD BONITA GALLERY, 39 Ceres Street, 603.819.9100 toddbonitagallery.com

VALERIE’S GALLERY, 117 Market Street, 603.766.3737 valeriesgalleries.com

Art ‘Round Town
Downtown Portsmouth
First Friday of every month, 5pm-8pm
Free

Next Week:

Dover Antiques Flea Market
Wednesday, February 6 at 8:00 am

Dover Antique Flea Market
Antiques, Vintage Goods, Collectibles, Sterling, Jewelry, and fun and Funky!

Dover Elks Lodge ~ 282 Durham Rd Dover, NH
8 am to 9am $5. 9am to 1 pm Free

Atlantic Dover- Competition results

It was a whirlwind of a weekend in Rhode Island at the Beauty & the Beast Invitational including multiple competition sessions and a doozy of a snowstorm. Atlantic Dover’s Xcel team persevered with great team finishes and lots of individual achievements.

The Bronze team pulled together and stuck all of their beam routines and took 1st in the team division. Angie Sasien and Eva Moccia placed 1st in the all-around in each of their respective age groups. Lexi Marek showed off her floor routine scoring a 9.35. Lillian Thompson was strong on bars and was rewarded with a 9.4.

Atlantic’s Silver team kept the trend going with solid beam routines. The girls’ hard work at practice certainly paid off. Averie Marcotte took 1st in the all-around and wowed her coaches and the judges with a near-flawless floor routine, scoring a 9.425. Lily Nutter also claimed 1st in the all-around in her age division. Lily received a special ‘Beauty’ award (keeping on theme with Beauty and the Beast) for her spectacularly expressive floor routine. Katherine Indelicato made major improvements on vault placing 3rd with an 8.95. Sofie Gibson has been training hard and took 1st in three of the four events, and also claimed 1st place in the all-around. Elise Wollheim enjoyed her first meet after coming back from an elbow injury and nailed her vault for a 2nd place finish with a 9.15. The Silver team took home 2nd place!

Once again, Atlantic’s coaches were thrilled after the Gold team stuck all their beam routines! Gracie Schmidt placed 1st in the all-around with a 36.3. Samantha Bishop showed off her power with her front handspring vault for a 2nd place finish with a score of 9.05. Cate Palmer swung high on bars and placed first with a 9.375 and also took home 1st in the all-around. Evelyn Ashburner was confident and poised on beam showing off her flexibility finishing with a 9.15. Brooke Helliwell nailed beam with a beautiful cartwheel for a 1st place finish. The Gold team scored a collective 110.55 for a 1st place finish.

The Platinum team was down to three competitors for this meet so all scores counted and contributed to a 5th place finish. Anya Marengo dazzled the judges with her dance and finished 4th on floor. Delaney Sauers flew down the vault runway and finished with a 9.05. Tori Downey stuck her beam routine scoring an 8.7.

Atlantic is gearing up for a few busy weekends. The girls will be competing in the Winter Carnival (1/26-1/27), the Friendship Classic (2/1-2/3), and the Frostbite Invite (2/8-2/10). They will have a weekend of rest before our Gold, Platinum and Diamond teams head to Florida for a chance to compete in the Gasparilla Classic!

Meet Our Staff. Kelsey

Kelsey has been involved in gymnastics her whole life and has been at Atlantic Gymnastics for 4 years. She has always loved the sport and wanted to be able to share her love of the sport with other children in hopes of having them fall in love with the sport too. The uneven bars is her favorite event to coach her classes. Kelsey coaches beginner and intermediate rec classes as well as some preschool classes.

Kelsey is a senior at the University of New Hampshire where she is a marketing and finance major. When she is at her home in Salem, New Hampshire she loves to hang and cuddle with her golden retriever Finnegan. During the summer she loves to go to her lake house on Winnisquam Lake with her family.  Her favorite go to food is ice cream and in her spare time loves to go to the gym and workout.

“It doesn’t feel like work when you are doing something you love.”

WHY WEIGHT BEARING MATTERS FOR KIDS

The Inspired Treehouse

What Does Weight Bearing Mean?

Weight bearing involves the use of muscles against gravity.  In this type of activity, muscle groups work together to support the bones as the body holds a position such as standing, propping up on your elbows in a prone position to play a game, or doing a downward dog in yoga. 

Why is Weight Bearing Important?

Positions like these promote bone health by increasing bone density and strength and also help to shape the joints (e.g. the point at which the leg bones meet the pelvis) of growing kids.  Weight bearing also ultimately leads to improvement in a child’s balance, strength, and coordination.

Positions where kids are bearing weight provides proprioceptive input to the body’s joints and muscles.  A functioning proprioceptive system allows children to move, play, and explore in a smoothly coordinated and efficient way – not too gently, not too rough.  

Standing positions provide important proprioceptive and strengthening benefits to kids’ feet, ankles, knees, and hips.  Positions that require kids to bear weight on their upper extremities (e.g. quadruped, prone) are essential to the development of hand strength and stability in the wrists and shoulders.

Let’s look more closely…

A newborn baby spends a lot of time on her back.  Her legs and arms move freely, often in very uncoordinated, jerky movements.  

As she grows, she spends more time in weight bearing positions:  

-On her belly (tummy time, anyone?), propped up on her elbows (bearing weight through the elbows into the shoulders and even pushing up onto hands), 

-In quadruped preparing to crawl (weight bearing through knees, hips, and hands)

-Up on her feet getting ready to walk (bearing weight up her whole lower body chain from her feet through her knees and then hips)

As more weight bearing opportunities occur, this little girl’s movements become more and more coordinated and smooth and her bones, joints, and muscles become stronger and increasingly stable.

So What’s the Big Deal About Weight Bearing?

You may be thinking what’s the big deal? Kids will naturally get these weight bearing experiences during regular development.

This may be true for most kids, however, we see many kids who skip the crawling phase altogether (you can learn more about why crawling is so important here), which means they miss out on a whole lot of quadruped weight bearing opportunities that are essential for typical motor development and strengthening.

Additionally, kids with congenital conditions such as cerebral palsy or spina bifida may not be able to independently weight bear through one or more extremities and may need help to do so.  In this case, weight bearing can be helpful for reducing high tone and promoting bone growth too! 

Weight Bearing Activities for Kids

Here our some of our favorite weight bearing activities that kids…

1 || Climbing up a slide

2 || Playing in quadruped

3  || Wheelbarrow walking

4  || Yoga poses

5  || Pushing a heavy object across a room

6  || Holding a plank pose

7  || Hanging from the monkey bars

8 || Standing on one foot

9 || Animal walks

10 ||  Wall push-ups